I Got Nothing…
I stare at the blinking cursor on this stinking computer…or I should say I CONTINUE to stare as I have been doing for the past 20 minutes. The 20 minutes before that I began typing a sentence only to stop, read it back and then hit the backspace key enough times to return to my continuously blinking cursor. Between the last two sentences I tried to find the function on this godforsaken device that makes the cursor constant or even invisible to make it STOP blinking but to no avail. It persists in counting down the seconds of time that I sit glaring and unmoving while my mind jumps from one thought to another trying to form an opinion or an appraisal or a valuation of a relevant topic. (Can you tell that out of sheer desperation that I used the thesaurus function on the word opinion to make that sentence sound interesting and add to the word count?) So here I will sit and hope that God will send an angel to place his hands over mine and type out the words to a truly stunning and inspirational blog.
Well, no angel appeared but I have decided to take an oxymoronic personal motto from the Emperor Augustus “Festina lente,” (hurry slowly) because “quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur” (whatever has been said in Latin seems deep). I added to the word count and entertained myself with a little research on Latin phrases. The only other one I know by heart is rude, so totally impractical for a piece intended to uplift and encourage. I learned it from my father, an old soldier, who was determined to question the legitimate birth of bad people and inspire his fellow man ‘to not let ‘them’ wear you down’.
*Sigh* The rock bottom truth is that it is my habit to wait until the last minute to do things. In my experience, when you do things ‘ahead of time’ something always changes and makes your prep work useless, or at least requiring of editing, adaptation or rescheduling of its present form before it can be executed. But I also find that there can be great value in some things we leave to the end. I remember the actor Alan Alda gave a commencement speech at Connecticut College in 1980 where his daughter was graduating. Early in the speech he said, ‘Deep in our hearts we know that the best things said come last. People will talk for hours saying nothing much and then linger at the door with words that come with a rush from the heart.’ I think that is why it’s called the moment of truth – you have run out of time and it’s now or never. We are wrapped in the coils of the time constrictor and squeezed until there is no wiggle room left and then the truth pops out. The last thing he said in that speech was “I love you” to his sweet daughter. I guess I assumed that lingering in this particular doorway, words would come with a rush from my heart.
But, sadly, again, I got nothin’…
But I WAS reminded of another time in my life that I was supposed to share with a group of believers at a Wednesday Evening Prayer Service. I struggled and prayed and studied and waited until the last minute and I will forever see in my mind’s eye the look on my pastor’s face when I stood up and said, “I got nothin’.” I could see his panic as he scrabbled around to grab his Bible and come rescue me. Just before he stood up, though, a lady in the back raised her hand and said, “Well, I’ve got something!” I encouraged her to stand and share and she told us a joke about how men are commanded in the Bible to make coffee. He-brews. Laughter ensued. Another hand was raised, and another person stood and shared something that happened to him that day. He could feel God moving him to intervene in a situation and when he did, he was able to encourage someone else and share his faith. For another 30 minutes, people took turns to stand and share testimonies and anecdotes and revelations and even funny stories about themselves and others. It was a very joyous time.
When everybody who had something to say was done, I felt encouraged to speak a word to each one personally. So, I had them line up and come forward one by one to have me whisper something in their ear. For every one of them, God gave me the words of love, comfort, and encouragement they needed to hear. For some it was just a quick word “You are precious” and “You are loved” or “You are my sweet child.” For others it was “Don’t give up” or “I am with you.” For a few it was a longer and much deeper message of hope in trial and suffering. It was one time in my life I will never forget as God used me very specifically and spoke to me directly as He guided my words and actions. It was astonishing. I’m crying again as I remember and type.
God is so good to us – the words seem small and insufficient to describe His magnificent and breathtaking love for His children. He never forsakes us, never abandons us, always hopes, always encourages and forever is worthy of our devotion and service. He has come through for me in this very moment in His usual superb fashion and given me somethin’ out of nothin’ to give YOU. I don’t even have to use the thesaurus – God is great, amazing, brilliant, awesome, marvelous, fantastic, perfect, and good and He loves you beyond anything you will ever understand. And He is all yours. Talk to him today. He loves to hear from His kids. And here at the end, standing in the doorway, I want to say thanks for reading and ‘I love you, too.’
In His Service
<>< Cass